A "save the date" thingy is swinging from the noticeboard with a cute picture of the happy couple. Cousin and Co are soon to be married and the date is fast approaching. I can't wait! There's nothing like a good knees up to get the old dancing shoes on for.

A gift has already been bought and I've a fantastic dress at the ready.

Now it is just a matter of getting this hen-do malarkey out of the way and I will be able to start looking forward to the nuptials properly. No offence to the beautiful bride (or her OCD Head Bridesmaid/Head Hen) is intended here.

I just have a major phobia of hen-dos. I see myself as more of a hen-don't type of gal. I know I am not alone, but before you judge me I will happily explain the reasons for my hen phobia.

Firstly, we have other people's friends – aka fellow "chicks".

We all know the drill here. Chances are if you have not already been introduced to the bride-to-be's girlies there is a reason.

It's either A. They live abroad/very far away and there has been no realistic opportunity to mix.

Or B. The hen knows you are unlikely to get along and therefore has not put you in the awkward situation of spending time together.

Or, of course, option C. You don't even really know the hen and you're just invited because you're 'family' and someone's mum says you have to come. Some teeth-gritting experiences in my past have taught me that being in the same bloodline sadly does not give you the same sense of humour, dress sense or mean you will have anything in common.

My second pet hate is that these things are usually 'themed'.

Call me miserable but there is nothing that appeals to me less than fancy dress. Not since I was about six if I'm honest. The only time you might (possibly) see me dressed up as a nurse/maid/bunny or any other typical hen-themed attire is on my husband's birthday in my bedroom and that's only if he's been really good – and paid for it.

As for roaming the streets in a female pack of bunnies, I would rather be road-kill. If I'm honest I think the sight of me in a thigh high skirt and stockings would not be suitable for public viewing either. Come on, I have just had a baby!

Then, of course, saving the best pet hate til last. No hen do is complete without them – the party games.

Shots if you win, shots if you lose. Basically, any excuse to drink as many different coloured liquids to ensure rainbow sick at the end of the night. Pretty. Rank.

Ten years ago I could drink more shots than a stag-do could shoot on the now traditional paint-balling day. Now just a few shots and for the next week I will be walking and feeling as though I have been hit by a lorry. Not good for the soul...or the liver.

So in the words of a wise man. Drop me out.

Ultimately, the event is social roulette and until you are there you'll have no idea what will be in store. Being a self-confessed control freak, this does not bode well for people like me. Hence my hen phobia.

With that rant out of my system this chick's off to buy the hen some L plates and pick up some fluffy ears.

Tonight, somewhere over a rainbow, I might just make some new friends. Wish me cluck!

SIX Croydon charities are to benefit from a combined total of nearly £25,000-worth of funding, thanks to the latest round of Croydon Commitment's Grassroots Trust Fund.

The half-dozen good causes were handed their funding boost at last Tuesday's launch of In Croydon 4 Croydon.

The following organisations have received funding;

Advice Support and Knowledge £3,120: The organisation delivers day-to-day training through a series of courses designed to improve the employability of young people

Rise Media, £4,000: Providers of a magazine called Limelight – produced by young people for young people – which helps train journalists of the future.

Empowered to Succeed, £5,317: Offers advisory support to young people who are at risk, have been excluded from or underperformed at school or who are at risk of becoming victims of or committing crime.

Lives Not Knives, £4,700: The youth-led organisation aims to prevent youth violence in the borough, taking the message into schools across Croydon.

African Youth Development Association, £6,000: Thanks to this funding, the organisation will be able to develop a programme for 48 individuals to attain a National Open College Network qualification in the social care sector.

Friends of Thornton Heath, £810: The money will be used to engage 100 local people in outdoor gardening activities.

Ian Robinson, chief executive of Croydon Commitment, said: "We hope that by providing this continued investment, we are contributing to the development of the people of Croydon."

WORK to rebuild the borough's most dilapidated school will not begin for two years.

Archbishop Lanfranc was given fresh hope of desperately needed repairs when it was included in the Government's Priority School Building Programme last June.

Last month head teacher David Clark spoke of his frustration at being left in the dark about what the building work would involve and when it would begin.

The Department for Education (DfE) told the Advertiser this week that feasibility work would start by September. This will involve the Education Funding Agency appointing a technical adviser to scope the building project before contractors are invited to bid for the work.

It declined to reveal whether this would mean renovation of the existing buildings on Mitcham Road, which sit on a former landfill site, or an entirely new build.

A DfE spokesperson said: "Decisions will be made on a case by case basis following an expert review of the existing buildings."

It expects work to start in 2015.

Mr Clark described the answer as "strictly according to script".

He added: "It just underlines the frustration. We shall have to continue the best we can for the foreseeable future."

SANDERSTEAD'S most prominent community member is handing over the baton of leadership to allow the village residents' association a new lease of life and bring it into the modern age.

Dennis Eldridge, who has been chairman of the Sanderstead Residents' Association for 13 years, is passing over the position at the age of 86 to Dennis King who aims to take the group in a new direction.

"I know it's another Dennis, but we are not mirror images," said Mr Eldridge.

"We really need new ideas and new people. We've had some problems with not enough people joining the group and becoming involved in the community – we were really behind the times, it's a different world now.

"We need to change the whole system of collecting subscriptions and distributing the magazine – it's all done by post and is very expensive.

"Dennis King is a deep thinker and will have many fresh ideas to promote.

"I have loved the whole period of being chairman. I'm proud of getting the subscriptions sorted and ensuring money came in regularly.

"We used to keep back around £50,000 just in case there was a lawsuit with planning but this is all going to change now."

The new Dennis, Mr King, 79, is currently the association's vice-chairman and will take over the lead role if members agree at an annual meeting on April 25.

Mr King has pledged to turn the association into a more proactive group, which can provide for the community.

"I think we were a reactive organisation in the past, and very focused on planning.

"There seemed to be a lot of money kept back which we realised we should use to help the community. This means helping out people who want to start clubs, especially youth clubs, and encouraging residents to join the group.

"It's all about investing in the community – we really want more members to make this possible. We have 900 at the moment."

The residents' association has recently given money to the Croham Hurst woods, funded the replacement of the plaques from the Sanderstead War Memorial which were stolen last year, and paid for the Christmas lights.

One of the last things Mr Eldridge organised before standing down was the donation of £250 to local wildlife expert, Joy Gadsby, who has lived in Sanderstead for all of her 90-odd years.

The tree, a Bosnian pine, was planted in the Wettern Tree Garden on March 26 – chosen in recognition of the garden's new tree officer who said the spruce used to grow in his family home back in Italy.

TRINITY School footballers Nick and Dan Thompson are set to embark on a tour to Madrid with the Independent Schools Football Association from April 8 to April 12.

The Year 11 identical twins, who both play for Bromley and at Kent county level, were selected last month to represent England U16s and will be playing against Atlético Madrid and Real Madrid.

Kevin Foster, head of football at Trinity, said: "Nick and Dan have very similar traits; both play a simple game and have a hunger to win.

"They work hard off the ball and enjoy marshalling the defence – they are very solid players and I wish them every success in Spain."

Nick Thompson (pictured left with Dan) said: "We're extremely excited to have the opportunity to represent England.

"I have really enjoyed playing academy matches against Millwall and Blackburn and I am looking forward to taking on some of the best teams in the world in Madrid."

A NEW craze that involves women pulling bizarre faces to look good is giving a whole new meaning to the Croydon facelift.

Maggie Gray, from Shirley, is offering women the chance to look years younger – without having to go anywhere near the surgeon's knife.

The 58-year-old is one of just five trained practitioners in the UK of the Eva Fraser method, a programme of facial exercises which are said to help to take 10 to 20 years off the appearance of your face.

How does it work? Simply by exercising the facial muscles as you would the rest of your body.

Maggie explained: "Imagine the wonderful improvement that exercise can do for your body. Well, we can do the same for the face.

"The muscles of the face are directly attached to the skin; when the muscles become weak they bring the skin down. People think it's the skin coming down, but it's the muscle that's bringing the skin down.

"So if you lift the muscle, the skin will also lift. It's as simple as that."

Facial exercising guru Eva Fraser has been teaching her method exclusively from her private studio in Kensington for the past 22 years.

She now has five UK disciples – including Maggie, who works out of her home in Birkdale Gardens.

Aurora Davis, who has been practising the exercises with Maggie for the past six months, is among the converts to the £150-a-session programme.

She said: "When I reached the age of 55, lines began to become very noticeable on my face. Maggie offered me the opportunity to look rejuvenated.

"Now I do not go to bed without exercising my face for 15 minutes because the results are amazing. I look, and more importantly, feel younger."

Maggie claims that, within four 90-minute sessions, she can give more mature women a look that is "miles away from Botox, collagen filler and cosmetic surgery".

She added: "You have to take the time to learn and perfect the exercises initially, but after that you can just work at it for 10-15 minutes day.

"The beauty of it is that you can fit it in to your lifestyle and look good at any age."

To find out more about the method, visit www.evafraser.com or e-mail maggiegray@facialfitness.co.uk

CROYDON'S drivers are the worst behaved in Britain, according to the DVLA.

Figures show that drivers living in the CR0 postcode have an accumulative 6,855 points between them – almost 1,000 points ahead of second worst Slough.

One Croydon driver was shown to have accumulated 24 points, double the 12 points to which a ban would normally be attached.

Points are given out to drivers for offences ranging from speeding to driving with a mobile phone.

The Advertiser snapped seven drivers on their mobile phones in under an hour – and spotted many more – at the dangerous junction of Brighton Road and Purley Cross.

If someone is caught on their mobile phone, they face three automatic penalty points and a £60 fine.

Croydon cycling campaigner Kristian Gregory believes it should be treated as a more serious offence.

He said: "Drivers on their mobile phones is one of the most irksome things for cyclists in particular because of the danger it poses to us.

"But if you look at other non-cycling road safety issues, then it is clearly a problem there too.

"On my bike, I can always tell if someone is on their phone. As a driver, it's your responsibility to be fully aware at all times."

Bans of between six and 12 months can be handed out to drivers who reach the 12-point limit.

However, DVLA figures show that more than 8,000 drivers in the UK are still driving with 12 or more points to their name.

Croydon police said that while traffic officers are diligent in Croydon, many of the statistics could be attributed to motoring offences that occur outside the borough.

A police spokesman said: "Traffic officers carry out regular patrols in Croydon.

"Local Safer Neighbourhood Teams also carry out enforcement operations in their local wards where speeding or road safety has been identified as a priority.

"But it is possible that a fair proportion of the figures relate to offences outside the borough."

• For free, confidential support, contact The Samaritans by calling 08457 90 90 90, emailing jo@samaritans.org, writing to Freepost RSRB-KKBY-CYJK, Chris, PO Box 90 90, Stirling, FK8 2SA or visiting your local branch.

A SPECIAL train service brought back memories when it made its first journey through East Croydon station in 65 years last Thursday (March 28).

The Bluebell Railway train was the first to make the journey from London Victoria to Sheffield Park, East Sussex, since 1958.

The journey marks the reopening of a new section of the Bluebell Railway between East Grinstead and Lewes.

Kenley railway enthusiast Michael Cassidy, 69, waited more than half an hour at East Croydon to witness the special occasion.

Mr Cassidy said: "It was very exciting for someone with my interests to see a train like this pass through locally.

"I am not sure too many people at the station took much notice but I certainly enjoyed it."

The train will not run regular services through the station but Mr Cassidy hopes there will be more special services like the one operated by UK Railtours.

The service was hauled by a locomotive 66739 and also passed through Crystal Palace station and Norwood Junction.

WARLINGHAM Rugby Club have been donated Chris Robshaw's rugby kit after he was voted as England's player of the tournament by fans at the recent RBS Six Nations.

Canterbury, the official team kit partner of England Rugby, is honouring the England captain after he shone throughout the tournament last month with man-of-the-match performances against Ireland and France.

And the Harlequins skipper led his country to four wins out of five to take second place in the Championship.

Robshaw's team of choice was the club he first started playing for as a youngster and he was only too happy to reward Warlingham.

He said: "It's fantastic that as winner I was given the opportunity to donate the kit to the youngsters at Warlingham RFC where it all began for me at the age of seven.

"I know the club will be delighted with the gift and it's great that I'm able to give something back to a club that will always be very special to me.

"All of the players gave it their all for the last six weeks and there were some superb performances so I'm honoured to pick up this award.

"It really does make a huge difference to the team knowing that we've got the country behind us."

A WOMAN was found hanged minutes after helping her husband search for money missing from their newsagents, an inquest heard.

Mekala Sanjeevan was found at her home in Wiltshire Road, Thornton Heath, on November 23 last year, after helping her husband search for £2,500 missing from their shop on the same road.

Inspector Simon Ellingham told Croydon Coroners' Court that police found no suspicious circumstances around the death of the 27-year-old.

Sri Lankan-born Mrs Sanjeevan had left a brief suicide note.

Croydon coroner Dr Roy Palmer, however, said he could not be sure she intended to take her own life. He returned an open verdict.

Summing up, Dr Palmer said: "In the evening in question she and her husband were working in the newsagent. There was thought to be a discrepancy in the money of some £2,500.

"We have heard according to the husband's account the lady went back to her own property to search for the money.

"She did not come back, the husband became concerned, went to investigate and found her hanging.

"I am uncomfortable to think that I am sure that she meant to end her life that night."

A MOTHER of five says she is desperate to do what the Government wants and move to a smaller home – if only she could find one.

Janet Couture is set to lose thousands of pounds a year in benefits and fears her family will be evicted.

The 42-year-old says she will no longer be able to afford the rent on her house in Queen Elizabeth's Drive in the wake of the "bedroom tax", which came into force this week.

The family will lose £40 a week in housing benefit because the Government deems her to have two "spare" rooms – her eldest son moved out last year while two of her children are expected to share.

The council is trying to find new homes for those needing to downsize, but hundreds are predicted to be affected by the tax.

Mrs Couture said: "The council has said we are on a list but there has been nothing so far. I cannot afford it so are they going to make us homeless? There are other people that need this place."

The family moved from Old Coulsdon a year ago, near to where Mrs Couture works as a mental health support worker. She said she has been off sick for about a month, waiting for an operation. Her husband looks after their four children, aged five, six, seven and twelve.

A council spokesman said: "We are working hard to match people like Ms Couture with a more suitable home and will help her move as soon as a property which meets her requirements becomes available.

"However, we expect more tenants will come forward in the coming months after the benefit changes have had effect."

He said the council was also working with Jobcentre Plus and the Citizens Advice Bureau to help tenants with their finances, benefits and finding jobs.

Funding for tenants would be considered on a case-by-case basis, he said, adding: "The council only seeks eviction as a last resort, and we work closely with tenants to help them avoid that."

DON'T forget about us, residents of Lion Green Road have urged as the plans for the redevelopment of Coulsdon and Cane Hill shape up.

The homes there are arguably the most directly affected by the current proposals, which include a 50,000 sq ft food store and 9,000 sq ft doctors' surgery in the car park across the road.

The road also leads to the foot of Cane Hill, where 650 homes are due to be built, with access routes still being worked out.

Lion Green Road resident Vicky Newham said she is worried the developments will place an unbearable burden on the already traffic-heavy road.

She said: "The car park may seem like a good site to develop but I do not believe that Lion Green Road is an appropriate entry or exit point.

"It is too busy as it is. Even for the building stage, to have additional plant and machinery, lorries, diggers, pneumatic drills a few metres from my house, this will be unbearable.As it is, I have lorries, buses, coaches, cars a few feet from my sofa. It is unbearable at times."

Stressing she was not against the development of the site in principle, she added: "I think that Lion Green Road is often regarded by people as simply a 'resource' to be exploited – a Coulsdon outpost – and often with little respect or care for the people who live in the road."

Other residents agreed about the traffic, with one adding that the houses sometimes shake when heavy lorries rattle past.

Coulsdon resident Peter Morgan says the planners have not properly considered how to deal with the extra traffic in Lion Green Road and elsewhere.

He said: "The Cane Hill development is the largest change to Coulsdon for decades.

"It means a 20 per cent increase from 10,000 to 12,000 for the population over five years."

A public consultation will be held next week on Thursday( 6pm-8pm), Friday (10am-7pm) and Saturday (10am-4pm), at the Calat Centre in Malcolm Road.

DRIVERS could face four months of traffic chaos as work to improve traffic flow at a busy Brighton Road junction takes place this summer.

Improvement works at the point where the A23 meets Old Lodge Lane outside Purley fire station are scheduled to start in June and may take until September to complete.

Members of the Hartley and District Residents' Association (HADRA) have been lobbying for improvement works for several years, but now claim Transport for London (TfL) is failing to keep them informed.

John Clarke, the group's planning member, said the junction was next to several schools, was used as a cut through for people travelling from Purley to Caterham, and already experienced a high level of congestion at peak times.

"I have written to TfL asking them to tell us what impact the road works will have on the area so we can make plans. A lot of traffic will have to take diversions," he said. "At the moment, it looks like Old Lodge Lane will be completely closed down, which will be a huge inconvenience, and we have no idea for how long. With a situation like this, we talk to TfL about the junction's problems – mainly that Old Lodge Lane is always congested and a nightmare for residents.

"Then someone comes down and draws up a proposal with very little consultation. They think they know the junction better than the local residents – it's been the same old process for three years. Now they are going to cause a disruption with road works. It's a major problem – if they close it, how will they direct traffic around it? It will cause chaos."

Mr Clarke said the group was waiting for TfL to make a decision on diversions so the area could prepare for them.

"They have told us work starts in June, other than that, they haven't said anything. We just hold our breath. It's often up to groups like us to find out what's going on and try to pre-empt a situation."

Kenley councillor and Croydon's assembly member, Steve O'Connell, said he had heard the work could go on until September, but that it would improve traffic flow in the long term.

He said: "Although sorting out Purley Cross may be a long way off, it's good to start sorting traffic problems near it. TfL are also suspending the bus lane between the junction and Purley Cross to ease the traffic, which is unprecedented."

A TfL spokesman said: "In order for these works to go ahead, it is necessary for utilities companies to divert some of their equipment on site. These works are planned to begin in June and we will be discussing with the local council and utility companies to agree how all of these works will be delivered with minimum disruption in the next few weeks."