A CROYDON strip club has made a bold approach to Royalty - well, semi-Royalty - as part of its latest recruitment drive.
In what may or may not be a shameless PR stunt, Larry Flynt's Hustler Club has written an open letter to Pippa Middleton, seeing if she fancies joining the scantily clad ranks of the town centre club's honeys.
The letter, penned by the club's marketing boss Lily Carousel, uses a touch of flattery, suggesting Ms Middleton fits the bill because she exudes "passion, confidence, and exceptional beauty," and goes on to talk about how becoming a Hustler Honey promotes "the empowerment of women".
She's also offered the tidy sum of £100,000 - though it seems her skills as a party planner are in demand, rather than any obligation to take her clothes off.
Here's the full transcript of Lily's letter:
Dear Ms Pippa Middleton:
We at Larry Flynt's world famous Hustler Club cordially invite you to become an Honorary Member of the Hustler Honeys.
This might seem like an odd proposal, but let me explain why we feel that you would be perhaps our most exceptional Hustler Honey to date.
At Hustler Club UK, over the past few years we have expanded to welcome new Honeys into our exclusive fellowship, whose stories, personalities and inner strength serve as inspiration for the empowerment of women. We value many of the characteristics in our girls that, we believe, you too exude. Qualities such as strength, bravery, determination, passion, confidence, and of course, exceptional beauty.
We are fully aware of the demands of your current roles have and it occurs to me that your existing commitments are crowded with formalities and that you might enjoy two or three nights of excitement at the Club with no formal engagements and an opportunity to have a little fun.
Exempt from stage performances you could focus solely on entertaining your guests in our luxurious private VIP rooms. Your experience in the event planning industry is an asset that would ensure your comfort in entertaining in your new environment whilst our ever-exciting parties would surely benefit from the flair of a professional party planner.
The tact, the graciousness and the understanding of our guests would certainly make for a smooth transition to an exciting new project and I'm sure all the Hustler Honeys would be most accommodating should you have any further questions.
We sincerely hope you will honor the club by accepting its invitation. If this should become a reality, I hope very much that you would accept our offer of £100,000 in addition to the gratuities afforded to our top-tier entertainers. Nothing would give us greater pleasure than if you were to accept.
Thanking you for an early, and I trust, favorable reply.
Lily Carousel
Social Media & Marketing Executive
On the off chance one of the country's most elegant women doesn't fancy taking her clothes off for a living, Lily adds a footnote:
PS. In the inevitable event that you become engaged, we'd very much like to host a private hen party at our Club for you and your guests as well as an exclusive stag party for your groom-to-be (separate of course!). We would include bottle service and entertainment in our private VIP rooms, including time with some of our amazing Hustler Honeys and their tantalizing performances on 3 stages. We'll guarantee you the most fun you've ever had!
There has been no word yet from Ms Middleton's camp but Advertiser sources understand she's almost certain to snub a late shift at a Croydon nightclub and, instead, continue her lucrative career writing books and magazine columns and supporting her sister, one of the world's most famous women.
