Now seriously, this is no joke, people. Fast approaching is my 31st birthday and I have still yet to be the established yummy mummy that I am supposed to be.
Granted, the rollercoaster of family life alongside a credit crunch or two has not helped the grey hair situation around here, but I think I'm going to give this yummy business one last go.
Flawless school runs and skyscraper heels are waiting for me. I can smell them – or is that youngest son's burnt toast?
Either way I will be the "Weetabix-smeared mother" no more.
I have decided to tackle Project Yummy 2013 head on. There is no point in beating around the bush.
The first step towards yummydom has to be a new and improved school run image. Obviously this will take some work.
The man has dropped darling daughter and youngest son en route to work, lunch has been eaten and baby is sleeping soundly. Herein lies the perfect opportunity to glam oneself with minimal distraction. I decide to stick on some music – after all, no dramatic transformation can be made without a suitable soundtrack, right?
An hour later and I am still knee deep in old CDs. My enthusiasm momentarily interrupted by tunes I have not heard in ages, I wallow in child-free nostalgia. Just as I think I have found "the" music to transform to… baby wakes!
Strolling down the hall I glance at my watch; in my old school revival I hadn't realised the time. Only ten minutes to get to the playground.
Grabbing keys and baby I glance down at my maternity leggings covered in a fetching shade of Weetabix crust. Guess there's always tomorrow…
Follow Veronica on Twitter @wannabeyummy and read next week's Advertiser for the next instalment of her column.
