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IN EVERY house, classroom and playground across the land, children can be heard exclaiming that some aspect of their life is not fair. Children have an in-built fairness chip and if they feel that it has been violated, they become upset, resentful and angry.

Of course not all children are the same; so how do we manage the issue of fairness in our homes? Stand back and take a moment to notice just how different the children in your family or in your child's social group are.

This is the key point: being fair does not necessarily mean treating each child equally. The definition of equality means equal rights for people regardless of individual differences or differentiating factors. If we take just age as a factor, we can see the sense in deciding that just because we let one child do something doesn't mean that we will automatically let another.

Older children are gradually given greater independence and autonomy. By degrees, they are allowed to engage in riskier behaviours: they are allowed to hold sharp implements like cutlery and scissors; they are given small foods that would have been a choking hazard when they were a baby; they will be allowed to cross the road alone.

We adjust the world around them to fit their age, skills and talents, and make judgements based on how responsible or trustworthy we deem them to be.

The fairness aspect comes in because we judge each child on their own merits and adjust our rules and guidelines accordingly.

If one child is to be allowed a privilege or right, we need to explain to the children who aren't why this is so. For example if one child complains that a friend doesn't have to use a car seat anymore, we would explain that the rule is based upon age and height. If one child is old enough to use a knife to cut a cake in half to share with a sibling, let the younger sibling choose the half they want.

This is also a guaranteed way to ensure absolute equality in the size of cake portions received! If your older child lords their privilege over their younger brother or sister, remind them that you expect them to treat each other well, and that a sneering, patronising or contemptuous manner could well mean that they themselves are not worthy of the privilege either.

Judge each situation based on each child. Though one child isn't allowed to take their stabilisers off their bike until they're six, if the next child is clearly a competent, cyclist, let their stabilisers come off at age five.

Judge each child on their own merits, skills and abilities. You may think that one child is just like you and or just like your partner and then treat them as if they were. Just check the accuracy of any such assumptions.

Beware of your own biases about how girls and boys 'should' be and note if they are actually true for your child.

THE Diamond Jubilee may have seen neighbours eat together street by street, but party planners are now hoping to go one better by organising a lunch for the whole of New Addington.

The first ever Big Lunch for the estate is planned to take place in Central Parade on June 2. Organiser Beverley Newbury said she hoped the event will bring neighbours together like never before, over barbecues and bouncy castles. The 34-year-old added: "With all the bad press New Addington gets, we want we want to show people that the community does work together.

"Will have fun activities for the kids and lots to eat and it will be a chance for people to meet their neighbours.

"I have been working in New Addington for eight years and just at the weekend I met someone just two doors up."

Working with Kelly Carey and Joanne Quarrinton, Beverley hopes to attract some 200 people to the big event. They are hoping local companies will sponsor the party, for example by providing equipment or activities. Ms Newbury, of Grenville Road, said she had got involved in the hefty organising task after finding herself out of her usual work as a sales assistant.

She said: "I have never done anything like this in my whole life.

"If it works this year I would like to make it a permanent thing in June and hopefully every year make it bigger and better. We hope to get lots of activities going and fingers crossed we are hoping to have about 200 people. To have even more would be fantastic but I suppose because it is a new thing people are going to be wary about it. It is a challenge to myself to bring as many people together in New Addington, really."

The Big Lunch project was launched by the Eden Project in 2009, aiming at getting neighbours together across the country.

The Eden Project offers support and advice to Big Lunch hosts.

A PURLEY couple are recovering from the shock of seeing their dog being "horrifically" attacked last week by two pitbull-type terriers after their owner abandoned the scene.

Ranu Jhoollun was walking her dog Coco, a two-and-a-half-year-old golden retriever, on the playing fields at Purley Way at about 8pm last Tuesday when she was approached by a man with two dogs that looked like pitbulls.

Her boyfriend, Ronan Pigott, who rushed to the scene when Ranu called him in a panic, said: "Coco was just running after a ball when the two dogs attacked her. Neither of them were on a lead and it was clear their owner didn't have one.

"Initially, he tried to get them off Coco but couldn't. When my girlfriend suggested he use a lead to drag them off our dog, he just walked away from the scene."

Miss Jhoollun called the police twice but was referred both times to the ambulance service. She also called her boyfriend, who raced over in his car.

Mr Pigott said: "It was horrific. They kept up a sustained attack on Coco for half an hour. Ranu had tried to fend off the dogs and, when I arrived, there was one attacking Coco's neck and head and the other attacking different parts of her body.

"Coco is not an aggressive dog and was just playing dead. We tried to get the two dogs off her but every time we had moved one away, it would come back for more when we went for the other one.

"Eventually we managed to get one about 15 metres away, which Ranu held on to and then I got the second one away. We scooped up Coco and rushed her in the car to the Anne Nelson Vets, where she was treated."

Mr Pigott said they were concerned Coco would have to be put down after it looked like her liver might fail on Friday, but added: "I am delighted that she has pulled through, but I want as many people as possible to know this happened.

"I have had very little response from the authorities. The RSPCA and the dog warden at Croydon Council referred me to the police but they haven't called back since we reported it last Tuesday."

Croydon police confirmed they had received two calls on April 2 about the dog attack, but said it was not a crime unless a dog attacked a person. A spokesman suggested the couple contact the Safer Neighbourhood Team.

Miss Jhoollun said the pitbull owner was a white male about 5ft 8in to 5ft 10in tall, of stocky build with short brown hair. The dogs were a speckled brown colour and one of them had a white patch on the chest.

"I think these dogs should be put down and the owner prosecuted, but this is unlikely to happen now," Mr Pigott said.

A TRANSPORT company is celebrating its 50th birthday this year, having gone from a single van in 1963 to a 60-vehicle fleet today.

Starting off as a one-man business, chief executive Peter Whitehead bought a van and founded P F Whitehead, a transportation logistic provider, all on his own in May 1963.

And although he always had high hopes, he is still surprised at where they have ended up today, with more than 100 employees, 60 vans and "hopefully another 50 years".

Mr Whitehead, who now runs the company with his son Peter and brother Richard, told the Advertiser: "We are now one of the largest and most respected transportation providers in the UK, but it hasn't all been easy sailing.

"The last few years have been hard for everyone and Croydon has had its up and downs as well. To be successful we've had to stay on our toes, but working in Croydon has been good for us and pretty much all of our employees are from the local area."

The business is now based in Coomber Way, but started off in Leatherhead, before moving to Croydon when they began to expand in 1969.

Many of the drivers have been with the company for more than 20 years, and lorries range from one-tonne vans to 44-tonne articulated trucks, which means they cover all aspects of transport services, from retail to manufacturing.

Mr Whitehead said: "It started out as just me and a lorry and then, by the end of the 1960s, it was 30 vans, and I was needed more in the office so I left that side of it.

"It's definitely been a busy and exciting few years.

"My son is now managing director and my brother is head of storage; he joined me in 1966.

"We are definitely family-orientated and we wanted to make sure we looked after our employees. Now I'm hoping my little grandson will join too, and that we can go on for another 50 years.

"Being based in Croydon has been great for us and the locals are good hard workers; I have a great workforce.

"Croydon has really changed over the years. At first it was hard, then there was a boom, and now it has got harder again, so we as a company have had to change with it.

"But overall it's been great, and hopefully will continue being so for a long time yet."

A TEAM of Kenley volunteers is taking up shovels and spades to help restore the village pond, which has lain empty and full of rubbish for more than 40 years.

Mike Van Der Vord, who is in charge of conservation for the Kenley and District Residents' Association, decided the site, which lies on common land, needed to be scrubbed up after decades of neglect.

"Many of the residents who have lived here for a long time can remember the site as a dew pond," said Mr Van Der Vord.

"It's sad to see it so overgrown and covered in rubbish now, and it does sit at the entrance to Kenley, so it's not a very impressive welcome.

"I called a meeting about it with the residents' association and we all agreed something could be done.

"Our first meeting was on February 9, where we all cleared most of the wild vegetation that had grown out of control over recent years. Then, on March 2, we cut up an ash trunk which had fallen into the pond area some years ago into manageable sections.

"The team then made two basic benches from the trunk, which was 4ft in diameter. The benches now have pride of place by the side of the pond site."

The group had their most recent get-together last Saturday to continue the work and clear the site, at the junction of Hayes Lane and Old Lodge Lane, in preparation for the next stage of their plan.

A project officer from the Downlands Trust, a conservation charity, visited last Thursday to conduct a preliminary feasibility study to see if the project was possible. The trust has also suggested it may be able to help reconstruct the pond.

"Of course, we would need permission from the council to take the plan forward, but we're very confident there will be no objections to the idea," said Mr Van Der Vord.

"I have lived in Kenley for 30 years now and I've never seen it look anything other than completely overgrown which is just unnecessary."

A dew pond is artificially made and generally quite shallow, receiving its water mainly from rain rather than a stream source.

MIKE TRIM says Oxted Ladies have saved their best for the cup this year as they bid to retain the Investec Women's Vase.

The Os won the national competition for the first time last season by beating Milton Keynes 3-0 in the final at Reading.

And the holders are on course to defend their title after progressing to the final for the second year running with an impressive 2-1 win against West Bridgford Monarchs on Saturday.

The result was all the more notable given the visitors' record this season, having not lost or even drawn a game all year.

But the Os coach said he was not surprised by the result, adding that he felt his side had played the best that they had all season.

"The girls were awesome," he said. "We knew it was going to be a tough game, but we played and beat Lymm, who had a similar record, in the last round.

"I think being the holders has given us that extra edge in the competition this year and it showed against West Bridgford – I would say that for me, that was the best game we have had all season.

"We trusted our own hockey, we kept possession of the ball and we went for it.

"We got the first goal and moved it around nicely and we looked good in the middle of the pitch.

"Obviously, the second goal helped and I thought that although they were a good side, the way we played I didn't feel they were that dangerous – everyone had a stormer."

Trim admitted that the cup may not have been his focus for the season, having wanted to win promotion from the Surrey Premier Division, but he said that now the Vase was in sight again, he wanted nothing but to retain the title.

He said: "My aim at the start of the season was to win the league and we didn't manage to do that, but it seems to have worked for us in the cup again.

"You could see against Lymm that we gave that little bit extra and again here against West Bridgford.

"The girls have always been up for this cup and they have been brilliant in every game – it is a win or lose situation and they have risen to that every time."

And Trim is hoping there is one last effort in them as they bid to beat a Guernsey side that they defeated en route to their triumph last season.

He said: "It is a one-off match and it will be a tough game.

"But we feel we are a better side this year and hopefully it will be a good day out and another great result for the club."

CHARLOTTE BARNHAM says that South Park Ladies are in it to win it as they bid to win the South East Counties Ladies League Cup this week.

Park travel to Three Bridges on Sunday to take on league leaders Hassocks in the cup final, with the skipper admitting that they are underdogs.

However, she said that Park are going into the game hungry for more success, having won promotion for the last two seasons running.

The 20-year-old central midfielder said: "This is a big game for us We have won promotion for the past two seasons and although we are battling for second this season, we don't want to go this season without winning anything."

Barnham accepts, however, that their opponents in the final will be buoyed by their 5-0 win the last time the two sides met in the league.

She said: "They are an outstanding team and we know they have good footballers. But we are going to be ready for it and it should be a good game.

"We will be proud whatever happens, but it is definitely possible that we can win as long as we all turn up and give 100 per cent.

"One thing is for sure, we won't go down without a fight."

And Barnham is hoping that Park will be backed by a decent crowd with the game taking place locally at Three Bridges.

She said: "We had 100 people there for our semi final at home against Wivelsfield recently, so hopefully we will get a good crowd there.

"It should be a really good day and with our U11s also having a cup final coming up, hopefully we can set the ball rolling."

Kick off at Three Bridges is at 2pm on Sunday.

ALL-ROUNDER Tom Curran has become the second Pemberton Greenish Academy graduate to join up with the Surrey professional squad this year.

Curran, the son of former Zimbabwe international all-rounder Kevin Curran, who tragically died last year, follows in the footsteps of Dominic Sibley, who was awarded a summer contract over the winter.

The 18-year-old's signing was announced last Friday by the county, following his recent stand out performances on the tour to Cape Town.

Curran will continue his education at Wellington College for the next two summers, where his two younger brothers also attend school thanks to a partnership between the club and the college.

Curran will also attend the Pemberton Greenish Surrey Academy, before joining the professional squad full-time in 2015.

The right arm fast bowler, was originally spotted playing schools cricket in South Africa by former Surrey captain Ian Greig, and played for Surrey at second XI and U17 level last season, playing in the side that won the ECB National U17 One Day Trophy against Durham.

He said: "I am very grateful for the opportunities given to me and my family by both Surrey County Cricket Club and Wellington College and now intend make the most of them over the next few years."

PG Academy director, Gareth Townsend, said: "Tom has the potential to be a very special player. I am delighted he will be with us for the next three years at least."

AS THE rugby season comes to a close, last weekend's matches were vital for teams vying for play-off positions and league survival.

Old Walcountians face a nerve-wracking wait for the result of the play-offs to find out whether they have retained Surrey One status following last Saturday's 9-0 away defeat to fellow strugglers Old Wimbledonians.

Before the match, Walcountians were only two points behind their opponents and a win would have confirmed their league status for next season, but neither side coped well with the appalling weather conditions and the match was settled by penalties.

It now looks like Walcountians' four-season spell in Surrey One has come to an end.

Their only hope is if runners-up Old Cranleighans defeat Fordingbridge in the play-off for the second promotion place for London Three South West.

Old Midwhitgiftians made their final fixture against Sandown & Shanklin the centre of a short tour and the league match was preceded by an entertaining veterans' game. The local club won this match but Mids were in contention, something that cannot be said for their first 11, who lost their match 43-3.

Old Mids started well enough and forced Sandown to concede three kickable penalties, one of which Dan Crouch kicked after the home side had scored a try after nine minutes through Sam Branston.

Mids continued to compete but Sandown took complete control. However, they now have renewed hope of avoiding relegation.

THE controversial incinerator planned on the Croydon-Sutton border should be approved, says Sutton council's planning chief.

Viridor's plans for the "energy from waste" facility off Beddington Lane are due to be decided upon by Sutton councillors at a public meeting on Wednesday next week.

In his report to that meeting, the council's head of planning and transportation Jay Judge said the facility is "sufficiently justified in terms of need".

He added that there were "no grounds for refusal on air quality or traffic grounds" as long as certain planning conditions were secured.

The proposal facility on the 97-hectare, mostly landfill site, would have the capacity to burn 275,000 tonnes of waste a year, and would serve Croydon, Sutton, Merton and Kingston.

Those boroughs have a contract with Viridor for it to take and process waste otherwise destined for landfill until 2040 .

Mr Judge said that, while the plans went against local and London-wide strategies to protect the "open character" of the area, they were justified by "very special circumstances."

He added: "These include the urgent need to divert waste from landfill in line with European directives and UK Government targets, the existing use of the land for waste management in line with development plan policy, and the identification of local markets for heat."

He added that the supply of heat generated by the site to local homes could not be "guaranteed", but said there was a "strong business case" for Viridor to enter an agreement with ESCO, an energy supply company.

"So there is reason to give sufficient weight to the proposals being implemented," he added.

Viridor recently raised the height of the two proposed chimney stacks from 85 to 95 metres, in order to reduce the concentration of nitrogen dioxide emitted in the surrounding area.

Opposition to the plans remains steep, centred on health, pollution and environmental concerns.

Shasha Khan, founder of Stop the South London Incinerator Campaign and spokesman for the Green Party's Croydon branch, said: "This application is the most profitable, least sustainable, lung-poisoning application that Viridor can get past planners today.

"There are other much better solutions, such as anaerobic digestion and mechanical and biological treatment, which other councils across the country are opting for.

"Council officers have bowed to the pressure exerted by multinational waste contractors and this is what has happened here. We are still hopeful that councillors on the development committee will reject the recommendations."

The campaign is organising a protest which will take place at 6.45pm outside Sutton Civic Centre next Wednesday.

Councillors do not have to abide by their officers' recommendations, but the council could be liable for appeal costs if they are shown to have acted unreasonably.

A spokesman for Sutton Council said: "This report is based on a comprehensive fact-checking process and consultation with public organisations, like the Environment Agency.

"It is now for councillors to make a decision on how to approach the application within the boundaries of planning law."

If councillors pass the plan, it could then be reviewed by the Mayor of London or Communities Secretary. Viridor would also need a permit for the facility from the Environment Agency.

IF CONFIDENCE was bad around the place before, it must have just reached rock bottom.

Rewind just a few months and confidence was something we had in abundance.

We had stockpiled the stuff to the point where it seemed the well would never run dry; and on we went, safe in the knowledge that we could burn through this valuable resource without concern for it ever running out.

What an oversight.

The 3-0 loss to Ipswich in midweek was an unwelcome reminder that we're travelling in exactly the opposite direction of where we need to be going.

The manager can't be blamed for the three goals conceded at Portman Road – two individual errors and a screamer are difficult to make allowance for.

What he can be blamed for, and this is something that comes with the territory of being in the position of responsibility he is, is a quite unacceptable nosedive in form that has seen us go from heavyweights to three-points-in-the-bag in a matter weeks.

Ifill Over on the BBS sums it up best, "Holloway was given the £1m-winning lottery ticket. All he had to do was claim the prize. Instead he thought he would play around… and has lost it."

I'm not advocating giving him the boot – that's a knee-jerk reaction that has crept into modern football and one I'd be a hypocrite for encouraging after damning so many of the "thanks, but no thanks" decisions made by clubs nowadays – but something needs to change.

Persisting with Plan A when it's clearly not working is becoming frustrating. Holloway needs to start playing to our individual strengths more, instead of stubbornly sticking to tactics that see us gain plenty of possession but little else.

We need to retrace our steps and find that magic formula we had, before it is too late.