The future of two of SE25's Crystal Palace pubs is unclear after they were both sold.

The Portmanor, in Portland Road, and The Ship, in High Street, have both been sold by struggling pub company Punch Taverns.

A Punch spokesman said it had sold the freehold to The Ship on August 26 after selling The Portmanor in July.

The spokesman added the details of the deals were confidential but available from the Land Registry.

The Portmanor, according to the registry, has been bought by Cresswest Ltd, which lists itself as a company which "buys and sells real estate" and is based in Middlesex.

Its main director, Mahendra Vithaldas Ganatra, appears to have a long history in property development and investments but little experience of the pub trade.

The Ship's new owners have not yet been listed on the registry although there were rumours at Crystal Palace's game with Burnley last weekend the pub would be shut for nine months for refurbishment.

The Portmanor, previously the home of the Holmesdale Fanatics, shut before the end of last season after previous landlord Geoff Charles said he was fed up with of lack of support from Punch.

NEIL Warnock said he was "proud" of his Crystal Palace players after they earned a famous victory at Goodison Park.

Mile Jedinak (penalty), Frazier Campbell, and Yannick Bolasie found the net as the Eagles beat Everton 3-2 - their second successive victory in the Toffees back yard after a win by the same scoreline last season.

Warnock was understandably delighted after registering the first win of his second spell in charge of Palace, saying: "The win just gives everyone a lift. You want the first one out of the way and then we've got some great games coming up.

"I'm very, very proud – I thought they gave me everything today."

Everton boss Roberto Martinez accused his side of conceding three "very, very, very sloppy goals".

SHIRLEY van driver Ben Haenow once again dazzled the X Factor judges this weekend - and is being touted as an early contender to win the show.

Ben's Wembley Arena audition, where he performed the Rolling Stones' Wild Horses, was shown on Saturday night, with the 29-year-old receiving plenty of acclaim for his powerful rendition.

Simon Cowell led the praise, saying that while Ben's performance "wasn't perfect" he was "one to watch" in the competition.

And the bookies seem to agree, pricing Ben at 6/1 to win the 2014 series - third favourite behind Paul Akister and Jay James.

Ben's first audition, where he performed Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine in a room for the four judges, was equally well received, especially again by Cowell, who said he couldn't believe Ben didn't already have a record deal.

Ben is now through to the Boot Camp stage of the ITV show, which will be broadcast next Saturday and Sunday.

He will be hoping to emulate a trio of Croydon acts - Rough Copy, Hannah Barrett, and Lorna Simpson - who all reached the live finals of the programme in 2013.

In a recent interview with the Advertiser, Ben said he was finding his X Factor experience "surreal" but told how performing in front of thousands at Wembley was a particular highlight.

He said: "To sing to people in a massive stadium, that's it for me.

"Even if it doesn't go any further that's ticking off the top thing I'd like to do in my life."

A 12-YEAR-OLD reported missing on Saturday has been found, police have confirmed. 

Chika Anuonye had been last seen leaving her home in Gloucester Road, Croydon, at midday on September 20.

In a statement on its website, the Met said today (Monday): "She has since been found safe and well."

A MAN was seriously injured after being hit by a bus in the town centre on Saturday. 

The victim, in his 40s, was struck by the vehicle in Station Road at 4.44pm. 

London Ambulance Service sent two crews, a duty officer and the air ambulance, to the scene. 

The man was treated for head and chest injuries. 

He was then taken as a priority by ambulance to St George's Hospital's major trauma centre in Tooting, escorted by the doctor from the air ambulance. 

The Metropolitan Police confirmed today (Monday) that the man had since been discharged from hospital. 

ALMOST six in ten Croydon residents support plans to expand Gatwick Airport with a second runway, an opinion poll has revealed.

When given a straight choice of building a new runway at Gatwick or Heathrow, 58 per cent of Croydon residents asked in the YouGov poll opted for the West Sussex airport.

Three in five Croydon residents (60 per cent) also said that the advantages of expanding Gatwick outweighed the disadvantages for 'me and my family', compared to 23 per cent who disagreed.

Stewart Wingate, Gatwick Airport CEO, said: "These results represent the widespread view of people from across our local communities and we are encouraged by their support for our expansion plans.

"We are not complacent however and we recognise that our plans would have an impact on many residents.

"We are determined to do everything we can to minimise the impacts and maximise the benefits for local people. After listening carefully to what local people told us during the public consultation, we designed a £250 million package of pledges designed to tackle many of the concerns that were raised."

AN ANARCHIST who was mistakenly invited to an MP's big election launch has been banned from tonight's event.

Ian Bone, former editor of anarchist magazine Class War, accepted his invitation to Croydon Central MP Gavin Barwell's election launch which he received in a generic round-robin email.

However, he has since received a letter from Croydon Conservative HQ telling him he is not welcome at Fairfield Halls tonight (Monday) because he caused a disturbance outside a Tory event earlier this year.

Mr Bone, 67, caused a rumpus in March at Selsdon Community Hall when Mayor of London Boris Johnson was the guest of honour – an event Conservative activists had to pay to attend.

Mr Bone said he was amused by the reaction from the Tories but said he "can't be a**ed" to turn up and kick up a fuss at tonight's event, also set to be attended by Mr Johnson.

He added: "I'm too tired. From what I can make out he's trying to get BoJo to dig him out of a hole."

Mr Barwell said he was in full support of Ian Parker, of the Croydon Conservative Federation, who sent the letter. There are expected to be around 300 people at tonight's event.

Mr Bone is to stand at next year's general election in the Lewisham West and Penge constituency for his Class War party, which is also fielding a number of candidates across the country.

At the Selsdon event in March, Mr Bone and friends were peaceful in the respect there was no violence but they did try and relay their messages through a megaphone.

Police guarded the entrance to the hall while Mr Johnson spoke to activists.

Here is the letter Mr Bone received in full:

Dear Ian

Your attendance and actions outside the Selsdon Community Centre earlier this year as overseen by the police and as shown on your blog have been brought to my attention.

Consequently, I have taken the decision to withdraw your tickets allowing your attendance at the launch of Gavin Barwell's campaign with Boris on the 22^nd September.

I fully support participation in political events by those of all and no political persuasion but the line has to be drawn at the disruptive approach you adopted at the Selsdon event with Boris. Politicians from all parties wish to appeal to a wide spectrum of voters' political views but sadly this has to be restricted when a tiny minority create at least the potential for disruption for the majority who wish to hear what elected representatives and others have to say.

I regret therefore you will not be allowed into the event on the 22^nd September.

Yours sincerely,

Ian Parker

for Croydon Conservative Federation

BORIS Johnson will help launch Gavin Barwell's reelection campaign at Fairfield Halls tonight.

The Mayor of London heads a list of speakers including John Burton, Westfield's director of development, and Jonny Rose from Croydon Tech City.

Around 300 people have applied to attend the event, the Advertiser understands.

Mr Barwell will hope the rally can help him claw back some of the momentum lost to Labour following the Conservative's defeat in May's local elections, in which the party lost ground in several key areas of Croydon Central.

Boris's involvement raises the profile of the event, but the presence of several prominent members of the community will have his main opponent next May - Labour's Sarah Jones - more worried.

Mr Burton is a prominent part of the team leading the £1 billion joint redevelopment of the Whitgift Centre by Westfield and Hammerson.

Mr Rose's involvement will lead to suggestions that Croydon Tech City - a group representing and promoting the borough's burgeoning technology sector - is endorsing Mr Barwell's reelection campaign.

He will be followed by knife crime campaigner Eliza Ribeiro; Maureen Martin, executive head teacher of the Coloma Trust, a group of schools set up by Coloma Convent Girls' School; and Rosina St James, chairman of the British Youth Council and a former Conservative local election candidate.

Mr Barwell said he wanted the event to be as non-political as possible and to highlight some of the "good things happening in Croydon" during his time as MP.  

The campaign launch begins at 6.30pm. 

A PILE of rubbish bags has blocked residents' access to their flats and spilt onto the pavement for two months after a housing company failed to renew the contract for the property's wheelie bins.

Residents of 11 Nottingham Road, South Croydon said the bins went missing almost two months ago and residents have since put rubbish bags where the bins used to be by the street.

The council still collects the rubbish but in between collections the mound of black bags has become a favourite with local foxes who tear the sacks and spread the rubbish over the pavement and road.

Residents added council workers did not collect torn rubbish sacks.

The flats are owned by Notting Hill Housing who provides permanent rented accommodation for people nominated to them through the council.

The front door of Michael Davis' flat is just ten metres from the mess. He has to use a different entrance to the property because of the mound of bin liners, which he has tried to keep tidy.

Mr Davis, who has lived in the flats since 1995, said: "I don't know what to do anymore. It has been worse than this with bluebottles flying around. It's disgusting.

"I've been trying to clear it up but when I try to straighten the bags people bring more and it piles up again.

"I don't want to open this front door and see rats running around, I'm not very happy about the whole situation."

Graham Bulled, another resident, said: "It's been like that easily for two months since the bins went missing. It's disgusting. It's worse than fly tipping because it's the responsibility of an establishment."

Notting Hill Housing rent the bins from the council. Rajni Lal, Notting Hill Housing officer in charge of the site, said the bins were taken away by the council after the housing company failed to pay for them.

Ms Lal said she does not know why the bins were not paid for as the previous housing officer was responsible for renewing the contract. She said she renewed the contract for the bins last Friday (September 19) and they should be returned this week (September 22).

"We are aware of the problem," she said. "The council took them away because they weren't paid for. They should be put back this week."

A MOTORCYCLIST was taken to hospital as a "priority" following a collision with a car in Thornton Heath.

The 20-year-old suffered a leg injury during the crash in Thornton Road at 3.23pm on Saturday (September 20). 

London Ambulance Service (LAS) sent two crews and a single responder to the scene. 

The man was initially treated by paramedics before being taken to St George's Hospital, in Tooting, as a "priority", a LAS spokesman said. 

A TEENAGER from Thornton Heath has been jailed for stealing a £1,500 wedding chain from a tourist's neck in Croydon town centre.

Enoch Banga, 19, of Virginia Road, stole the Asian jewellery in broad daylight at approximately 6pm in Ruskin Road on June 9.

He pulled the chain from around the neck of a 54-year-old woman from India visiting family in Croydon.

The woman identified Banga after being shown photographs of potential suspects and he was arrested on June 20.

When he was arrested, police also found a set of keys at his home which belonged to an address in Abbotswood Road in Streatham.

He had taken the keys when he was at the property on a decorating job.

Banga was charged with burglary and robbery - although the charge of robbery was reduced to theft from a person - and he pleaded guilty to both.

On September 10, he was sentenced to nine months in a young offenders' institute for the charge of theft charge and another 12 months for the burglary.

The wedding chain was never recovered and the victim has since returned home to India.

CRYSTAL Palace defender Brede Hangeland was bizarrely told to use CHEESE to cure an injury problem in his final days at Fulham last season.

Eccentric then-Fulham boss Felix Magath, sacked by the club last week, brought a whole new meaning to the idea of Cottage Cheese when he told the Scandinavian defender to soak a block of cheddar in alcohol and leave it on his injured thigh overnight.

Hangeland, perhaps unsurprisingly, left Craven Cottage in the summer while, equally inevitably, Magath has now been shown the door by Fulham.

With the big centre back out of favour at present, let's hope Neil Warnock isn't getting his Stinking Bishop ready for a repeat dose of the therap-brie.

Hangeland, for his part, will hope to return to the Palace squad for Saturday's game against (red) Leicester.

If he doesn't get back in the side soon though, the 33-year-old Norwegian might have to launch into a burst of that Englebert Humperdink classic, Cheese Release Me.

That'll do for the cheese puns now...

MOTORISTS will soon be able to park on Croydon's streets without needing to root around for loose change.

Croydon Council has started rolling out the RingGo service, launched in its car parks a year ago, to the thousands of parking bays in the borough's streets.

The service means that those drivers without cash can instead pay over the phone using a credit or debit card – by phoning, text, online or using a smartphone app.

The roll-out is expected to be completed by October 31.

Motorists can pre-register online by going to www.myRingGo.co.uk/register or you can register at the time of parking via the RingGo app or by calling 020 3046 0010.

Councillor Robert Canning, deputy cabinet member for transport and environment, said: "We want to make it as easy as possible for motorists to pay their parking charges.

"Cashless parking has proved popular in council-run car parks and the RingGo system has proved reliable and easy to use.

"Its roll-out across the borough's streets is good news for motorists. The days of having to scrabble about for loose change to pay for parking are over."

Motorists will still have the option to pay by cash in the traditional roadside machines, if this is their preferred means of payment.

GAVIN Barwell fired the first salvo in what he described as the "battle of ideas" with Labour as he launched his campaign to be reelected next May with a high profile rally at Fairfield Halls.

The Croydon Central MP told the nearly 400-strong audience at the ticket-only event that a Conservative victory would transform the town into a place that is the "envy of people across the country, not the butt of comedians' jokes".

The rally included a typically bombastic speech by Mayor of London Boris Johnson in which he railed against "Brussels bureaucracy", cracked jokes about vacuum cleaners and championed "English votes for English laws".

Mr Barwell invited business, education and community leaders to speak at the launch in order, he said, to highlight the good things that have happened in Croydon since he was elected in 2010.

While some were upfront about giving him their support others, flanked by "Back Barwell" banners, insisted their involvement was not "political".

The presence of John Burton, Westfield's director of development, will raise questions about the impartiality of one of the key players in the £1 billion redevelopment of the Whitgift Centre, even if he insisted otherwise.

Mr Burton, who came on stage to Oasis's Morning Glory, said: "I'm going to quickly caveat that this is not a political speech. I am here really standing as an apostle of Croydon and one of the true believers."

He said Mr Barwell had tried to persuade Westfield to become involved in Croydon in the months before deal with Hammerson was struck.

"He had his ear to the ground and wanted to know what was going on, what we were up to and whether we were ready to commit to Croydon, because there was a lot of talk in the market about whether Westfield would do this and whether Hammerson would do that," he said.

"He kept urging me, pushing, but at the same time there was a man in central London who was doing same.

"The reason I mention both [of them] is people need to remember that when Boris stood up and announced the partnership between Westfield and Hammerson last January, we were two very competitive companies. The fact that we came together is incredibly important for the future of Croydon."

Mr Burton added: "My task this evening was not really to come and say vote Gavin. My job tonight is to convince you that two very experienced developers are convinced by this opportunity."

Jonny Rose, co-founder of Croydon Tech City, a group promoting the borough's technology businesses, barely mentioned Mr Barwell during his speech, appearing at pains not to endorse the campaign.

He had earlier posted on Twitter that speaking at the rally was "merely a case of @GavinBarwellMP endorsing Tech City".

Mr Rose told the crowd: "Thanks for coming out tonight to ostensibly see Gavin but, if you've seen the hubbub on Twitter, to come and see me before I am roasted alive."

He said Tech City was not only about the borough's growing tech start-ups but that it is "affecting infrastructure, affecting property, affecting education. It's absolutely permeating every single part of the borough's life."

Mr Rose added: "It's very easy for me to stand up and be that face and, inevitably my face is going to be next to 'Back Barwell' and everything but, actually, it's a community effort, it's not me. I'm just the presentable and loquacious one who likes getting up in front of bright lights. This is a community success story."

He then praised Mr Barwell for refusing to jump on Tech City's "bandwagon".

Eliza Rebeiro, founder of the Lives Not Knives campaign group, was also invited to speak at the event. She said Mr Barwell had supported her efforts since she was 14.

"Gavin's always answered the phone and been there consistently if I've ever needed anything," she said.

"He has always said well done and thank you. He has shown support when needed and also shown it behind closed doors…which is very nice to know, especially from a politician."

Cllr Sara Bashford, the compere for the evening, said Maureen Martin, head of Coloma Convent Girls', would speak about "how Gavin's support and success in lobbying for greater education funding has made school's in Croydon flourish" - even though the extra money won't be allocated until next April.

Mrs Martin, who came on stage to a track by rock band Muse, said Mr Barwell had been supportive of Coloma's involvement in Quest Academy, formerly Selsdon High. She appeared to have been invited to highlight Mr Barwell's belief that academisation has improved standards in education across Croydon.

Azhar Chaudry, Quest Academy's head boy and a Conservative activist, was one of Mr Barwell's most effusive supporters on the evening, claiming the politician has been at the "epicentre" of that improvement.

Azhar said the former councillor had "strived" for educational success, securing funding for the Quest's new building and "encouraging young people like me to make a change for the better".

"Over the coming election you, the people of Croydon, will face a clear choice. Vote Gavin and this drive for improvement will continue. Vote for any other candidates and this drive may not continue," he said.

Rosina St James, a former Addington High pupil, was awarded the British Empire Medal in the Queen's Birthday Honours list earlier this year for services to young people, and stood as a Conservative candidate in May's local election.

She told the audience how a careers advisor suggested she "stack shelves in Tesco" rather than pursue a career in politics. 

"As you can imagine I felt really deflated. I mean, come on. She could have at least said stacking shelves at Harrods," she added.

Rosina said Mr Barwell had brought her into the Conservative fold after she featured in an Advertiser article describing her desire to become a politician.

"By Gavin throwing this pebble he unsettled the water and caused amazing ripples to form," she said.

"I know for a fact that Gavin has thrown a lot of pebbles in other people's lakes.

"Without MPs like this we risk losing a pool of greatness."

The biggest cheer of the evening, somewhat inevitably, was reserved for Boris, who immediately launched into a rant about the depiction of London during the Scottish referendum.

In fact, his speech concentrated on criticising Labour, bashing Brussels and wading into the devolution debate, stopping occasionally to point out what a "fantastic performer" Mr Barwell is.

He said Mr Barwell's "fantastic campaigning" had helped reduce offending including bus crime, knife crime, gun crime and the murder rate.

"That's been achieved largely by the police but also by your MP Gavin Barwell who came to me and said we need to have police on the beat in Croydon and he was instrumental in securing those 117 extra police [officers] which you have. We will make sure we work flat out together, he and I, to keep those numbers high."

He did not mention those extra officers would have had a hard time lowering crime rates as they won't be in place until 2015.

The rally began with an extract from a radio interview with Mr Barwell on the night of the riots in August 2011. Asked about the destruction, Mr Barwell said: "I'm sickened to see this happen to my town."

In the video that followed, Mr Barwell said the clip illustrates that Croydon Central isn't just his constituency but his "home town", making him a "better MP".

The video included photographs from his childhood, references to his education at Trinity School and extracts from his family life. It also features a video of him in a pub – The Windmill in St James's Road - drinking a beer with his friends.

He also spoke about being diagnosed with cancer when he was seven, his father's treatment for dementia and the care they both received from the NHS.

In his speech at the end of the rally, Mr Barwell said he wanted to give an "honest appraisal" of Croydon's problems, from a town centre "desperately in need of investment" to Croydon's reputation.

"If it's wrong to try and gloss over these problems, it's equally wrong to despair," he said, adding that the tide had begun to turn, from increased employment, falling crime rates and the Westfield/Hammerson development.

"My key message in all of this is Croydon's best days are ahead of us, they are not behind us," he added.

Mr Barwell said next May would be a "battle of ideas" and set out the seven "key differences" between the Conservatives and Labour, including the economy, education, and their "attitude to crime".

Again he attacked his Labour opponent Sarah Jones for describing his response to the illegal rave at the former Royal Mail delivery office in June as "macho". Mr Barwell had said those responsible should face the "full force for the law" while Mrs Jones said "youth was about exploration".

Unlike in his manifesto, Mr Barwell pointed out her comments were made before the death of 15-year-old Rio Andrew.

However, he added: "It was public knowledge that several people were seriously ill in hospital and significant criminal damage had been caused to the building."

Mr Barwell concluded that the party needed to reach out to people who "agree with them but don't think of themselves as Conservatives and convince them of our passion to build a fairer Croydon".

"If we win this battle of ideas we could transform Croydon into a place that is the envy of people across the country, not the butt of comedians' jokes." 

POLICE sniffed out a cannabis factory in Broad Green yesterday (Monday).

Officers from the area's Safer Neighbourhoods Team raided the flat in Nelson Close yesterday morning and found a small cannabis factory in one of the rooms, with 17 cannabis plants.

No arrests were made at the scene, but inquiries are ongoing to identify those responsible.

Sergeant Steve Ribano, from the Broad Green SNT, said: "This cannabis factory was in the initial stages of being set up, so it is good that we have been able to disrupt it at such an early stage. We will continue to make inquiries to identify the individuals that have been involved in setting this up.

"I would encourage the residents of Broad Green to contact us or Crimestoppers if they have similar concerns about drugs in their neighbourhood as we can and will take action to target those involved in the production or supply of drugs."

The Broad Green SNT can be contacted by calling 020 8721 2712 or alternatively, contact Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

BORIS Johnson spoke at the launch of Gavin Barwell's bid to be reelected in Croydon Central on Tuesday night. The Mayor of London, himself seeking a return to Westminster, railed against Brussels bureaucracy, commented on the Scottish referendum and, unsurprisingly, criticised Labour. He also mentioned people doing inappropriate things with vacuum cleaners. Here is his speech in full (with some fact-checking): 

"It's great to be here tonight, in Croydon. I have to say, in the last few weeks of this campaign on devolution that we've just had, I've heard all sorts of nonsense, didn't you? North of the border, Anglophobic, London-phobic sort of claptrap.

"If you listened to some of our SNP friends you would think that this was a city culturally, politically, economically, spiritually divorced from the rest of the country. I think of the people living in luxury, drinking pearls dissolved in vinegar and bowling back on the luxuriousness of their Barclay's bicycles and…that's how they presented London, wasn't it?

"Do you recognise that picture of our great capital? I don't. London is the capital of England. It's the capital of Britain and, thanks to the wisdom of the Scottish electorate; it's the capital of the United Kingdom and will remain so.

"It has its problems and has done for ages. It has four of the six poorest boroughs in the UK. We've got gang crime, knife crime, all sorts of problems. The reality is that we are dealing with those problems thanks very largely to the fantastic campaigning and work of MPs like Gavin Barwell.

"He is an absolutely superb MP and I'm delighted to say that under the Barwell regime which is in sync with my own, crime in London is down by about ten per cent*. Bus crime is down by 40 per cent. That's crime on buses, not by buses. We're all worried about knife crime and gun crime, but the murder rate in Croydon is down by 50 per cent over this period**. That's been achieved largely by the police, but also by your MP Gavin Barwell who came to me and said we need to have police on the beat in Croydon and he was instrumental in securing those 117 extra police*** which you have and we will make sure we work flat out together, he and I, to keep those numbers high.

"Jobs. The economic prospects of this area have never been better. This is the powerhouse of the south London economy. Who would have thought, six years ago, that Croydon would have one of the biggest tech sectors. Yes it does, anywhere in Europe. Big tech, bio tech, med tech, nano tech, tech – it's all here and has been championed, as you heard earlier on, by Gavin Barwell.

"Those jobs are in all sorts of sectors of the economy and my job, as mayor, is to work with your council – it used to be Conservative but not anymore – and to make sure we go through with the fantastic projects that Croydon needs.

"I'll mention the Wellesley Road improvements. We've lavished many millions on it and they will be wonderful when they come through. There's the incredible prospect of the Westfield/Hammerson development. I played a small part in getting those two mastodons to engage in congress together which they did. It was jolly difficult. But when there was some particularly tetchy moments, some tricky passages in those negotiations, I will tell you that your MP, Gavin Barwell, was absolutely fantastic with his energy and commitment to the deal.

"So, we want him here in Croydon, don't we? I'll tell you what else, we want him in Westminster. He's also made some fantastic contributions to the debate on the discrimination against people with mental disabilities. He is a man of wide interest and a fantastic Parliamentary performer.

"Why would you want him in Westminster in addition to his great merits? It's because we don't want a Labour MP in Croydon. We don't want a Labour government. We don't want Ed Miliband and Ed Balls. I was told this wasn't a political audience. I don't want Ed Balls giving back the keys to the car that they crashed so spectacularly. I don't want them getting hold of the keys to Downing Street and throwing away the only chance that people of my generation have had to vote on the European Union.

"There's only one way we're going to get the reform of the EU that we want, and the renegotiation that we need, and that's to get David Cameron in government. It's not just the common agricultural policy which costs every family in this room – and I hear some hungry children at the back. That's £400 extra you can spend on whatever you want to eat.

"It's not only that. It's not only the immigration rules which mean we cannot do anything to protect our borders, to have a managed immigration [system]. I'm a believer in letting talented people come to this country. I'm not a believer in uncontrolled immigration which is deeply unfair on London councils who have to run this city. It was Labour that started and it's only going to be David Cameron and the Conservatives who will sort it out.

"I also want a Conservative administration to get in and stop Brussels coming forward with quite so much preposterous, unnecessary, burdensome regulation on business industry in this country. It's not just the business industry but ordinary households, my friends.

"I read the other day in the Daily Telegraph – if you can't believe the Daily Telegraph, what can you believe? - That some wiseguy in Brussels was proposing to ban vacuum cleaners that were too powerful. Did you read this nonsense? I'm perfectly willing to accept that in the wrong hands, incautiously handled, a vacuum maybe occasionally sucked your budgerigar out of its cage, or inhaled your hamster. I'm told there are people who presented at accident and emergency wards with embarrassing injuries sustained by what we can only call vacuum cleaner abuse.

"We have people in Whitehall, we have a government, we have people who look at manufacturing standards and we have done for many, many years. I think this would be a matter for the government of this country to decide how powerful our vacuum cleaners are and how often we vacuum our carpets. That is what I mean by stopping some of the nonsense from Brussels.

"We want the Eurocrats to row back and to be more prudent.

"We have a huge number of allies around the table in Brussels and we can get this done but we can only get this done if we have the energy and the commitment that a Conservative government would absolutely bring to those negotiations.

"While I am on the subject of common sense, I want fairness for English voters. We don't want any more devolution to the Scots. They've already had quite a lot, by the way, and the Barnett formula. I want a formula for Barnet. Why not? And Croydon. If we're going to have more devolution for Scotland, more fiscal and financial control for the Scots, then we have to have English votes for English laws. There's absolutely no question.

"It cannot be right that when those children grow up – there are one or two I can hear chirruping so sweetly – that if they decide they want to be educated at a university in Scotland; if Croydon kids decide, for some mystifying reason, they want to go to university in Scotland, they will not only pay more than Scottish kids at the same university – three or four times more – they pay more than Belgium kids, Croatian kids and every other student from the European Union.

"Can that be right? How did that happen? Because Labour used Scottish MPs to get that measure through. I do not think that is fair and it needs to be sorted out.

"That's why we need Gavin and we need his colleagues in Westminster to sort it out. I don't want Miliband or Balls because they won't sort out our problems. Do you believe in the economic policies we've heard from the Labour conference today? Do you believe they will do anything to increase employment in this country? To encourage business and industry? To take Britain forward to become the most dynamic economy in Europe, which it can be. Mark my words we will be over the next 20 years if you keep a Conservative administration in government.

"Do you think they have that agenda? They absolutely don't. You know what they want to do? They want to put up taxes for everyone who earns more than £26,000-a-year. What does Miliband say he wants, who would he rather be like, which country would he rather be imitating? He wants Britain to be more like France.

"That's the first clear message he has for this country – be more like France. Someone should take Miliband to France. They currently have unemployment running at 11 per cent****. They have taxation at 75 per cent and the French economy is in such ruins that 400,000 people, of the most talented Frenchmen and women have fled France and are now living in London.

"There are more French people living in London than in Nantes. There are more French people living in London than in Strasbourg. More people than they have in Bordeaux*****.

"In conclusion let me ask what the people of France want, apart from coming here to have the chance to be represented by Gavin Barwell? Nicolas Sarkozy said it when he was French president. He had rather a large tour of London's suburbs and he went back and he said [imitates French accent]: "There is one place in London that I think we could imitate…in Paris." And what was it? Croydon. The French have an advanced case of Croydon envy."

* The fall in London was 6.2% in the last financial year. In Croydon it fell 9.5%. 

** He hasn't specified what period. 

*** Croydon has been allocated 117 extra police officers but they are not all due in Croydon until 2015. Questions have been raised about how many extra officers the borough has received since the announcement. 

**** 10.3%

***** This claim is discussed here.